Monday, May 11, 2009

Beauty

I wake up to the same loud alarm as I do every day and head for the shower. Kelly continues to sleep, until I wake him to tell him it's his turn. I put my make-up on in the living room to avoid the heat and steam coming from behind the shower curtain in our only bathroom (a problem that desperately needs a remedy). I then head for the bathroom, grab my hair-dryer, and head back into the living room (drying your hair without a mirror really isn't an easy task, at least not for me). At this point, Kelly has already exited the shower, shaved, and almost gotten completely dressed.

It's Sunday. It's our routine every Sunday before church. And then, our normal routine gets interrupted. Kelly slowly walks over to me and gently hands me a card. I have a feeling that I know what it is, and a lump starts to form in my throat. Kelly goes back into bedroom to finish getting ready (really just to give me what I need...a moment alone). I slowly open the card, and tears immediately begin streaming down my face.

You see, it's not just any card. It's not just another card to tell me he loves me. It's a Mother's Day card. It's a card that reads:

No animals were harmed during the production of this birthday (which he crossed out and put Mother's Day) card.
Inside: A couple of bulldogs were pretty badly humiliated though.
Happy Birthday (again crossed out and replaced with Mother's Day)!
Kelly's writing: I saw this card and it reminded me of our daughter. I just wanted you to know what an incredible mother you were to her. Thank you.
Love,
Kelly and Emma

Kelly then walked back into the living room, to console me as I wept. Then, he gave me the most beautiful roses.

These past couple of weeks have been hard. Somehow, I've managed to feel numb most of the time, with the occasional breakthrough of overwhelming sadness. Normally, I've just gone through the motions of the day, until someone asks about her or I'm caught off-guard by a memory. I'm slowly starting to let down the walls, and allow myself to feel the pain and sorrow of losing Emma. And, it hurts.

I miss her so incredibly much. So much so, that when I think about her, my heart literally aches. It all happened so fast and it is definitely taking lots of time to process it all. I want to sincerely thank my mom and dad for all that they did to help Kelly and me with Emma the last week of her life. They cared for her so deeply and you could truly feel their sorrow in losing her. I am extraordinarily grateful for two loving, supportive, giving parents. I could not have done it without them.

Some things in life are not certain, and sometimes we cannot understand God's reasoning behind circumstances. One of the things in my life that is steadfast, is that I have a man who will walk beside me when times are happy and everything is right with the world. A man who will also firmly take hold of me, lift me up, and carry me when times are dark and somber. A man who will get me a Mother's Day card when we have a puppy, and one who will get me one even when she is gone. I'm undoubtedly a blessed girl. I get to travel through this life with Kelly, through the good times and the bad.

There is profound beauty in that.

3 comments:

Laurin Kailey said...

Kelly is so sweet!

juli said...

Wow! Best post EVER! I love you guys and you two are so truly blessed to have each other. And, yes, you were a wonderful mommy to Emma. :)

Kate said...

Hi Stacey, it was good to hear from you. I check your blog every once in awhile and was a little worried because you haven't posted in so long. I hope you're enjoying your new little family of 2, and I hope life is going great for you. You should update the blog sometime and share more of your adorable stories!